


The Forest Scene

by carrybits



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Angst, also i hate dialogue, baz deserves the world, its all very dramatic, simon is overwhelmed, they both cry and its sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 15:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17552495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrybits/pseuds/carrybits
Summary: The Baz in front of me is one I didn't know existed. He's broken and uncontrolled and insecure and completely and utterly damaged.Seeing the tears smeared all over his delicate face and his hair all matted instead of perfect, he isn’t Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.He's just Baz.A rewrite of the ending of chapter 60 and most of chapter 61.





	The Forest Scene

**Author's Note:**

> I was rereading chapter 61 and had a lot of thoughts about how Simon and Baz must’ve been feeling and thinking, so I wanted to write it out.
> 
> *** update 7 hours later: Rainbow really had to go and tweet that Natasha would’ve killed Baz huh

**SIMON**

I’ve never seen him like this. 

Baz has been quiet and stone-faced ever since we left the bar. The only indications that he's upset are the tears flowing freely down his face and his breathing is slightly labored. 

I want to say something, anything, to comfort him. But I can't find the right words. I never can when it comes to Baz. 

When I notice we’re in the countryside, I don't voice the questions I have. The tear tracks on Baz’s face keep me silent. 

Crowley, he's driving like a madman. I feel a bit bad for the car. It's a good car (I’m not nervous). 

Suddenly Baz slams on the car brakes, without any care or reservations, then runs out. Instantly I begin to panic and fumble to unbuckle. Baz isn't like this. He isn't careless. Something is _wrong._

Immediately I get out the car as well and attempt to follow him, but he's already gone too far ahead of me and I've lost him. 

My panic rises and I begin to run. Baz clearly isn't in the right state of mind. I don't want to imagine what he could be about to do. 

”Baz!” I shout. I know it’s pointless and that he won't answer because he's Baz fucking Pitch, but I'm desperate. 

”Baz!” I see something that looks like fire ahead of me and I feel my heart sink. 

_”Baz!”_ Why won't he fucking _answer_ me? 

”Fuck off, Snow!” Aleister Crowley, I never thought I would be so relieved to hear Baz say that. 

I run towards the fire and see him. He's hunched underneath a tree and there's fire everywhere and he looks so defeated and all I can think is, _he shouldn't hurt like this._

”W-what are you doing?” I see Baz shaking and I’m so damn overwhelmed. 

”Baz, what happened at the bar is done. Nico can't be the only one with information about your mother. We’ll find her killer.” I don't know if I'm speaking to comfort Baz or if to keep myself from going off. 

Baz swings at me and then there's even more fire around us. ”She would’ve wanted _this,_ ” He gestures wildly around us. ”I’m a vampire. This is what I should’ve done a long time ago.” 

The Baz in front of me is one I didn't know existed. He's broken and uncontrolled and insecure and completely and utterly damaged. 

Seeing the tears smeared all over his delicate face and his hair all matted instead of perfect, he isn’t Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. 

He's just Baz. 

I kneel down and force him to look me in the eye. Even though I’m sure I already know, I have to ask him. ”What are you on about?” 

”The last thing my mother did was off herself so she wouldn't become what I am now.” Baz sounds so fucking heartbroken. 

”Baz-” I say. 

”Don’t you get it?” Baz shouts. ”She would've killed me if she had lived.” 

There’s smoke in my eyes and the fire around us is closing in, but all I'm focused on is Baz. 

”You’re wrong. Your mother loved you, Baz. You were her world.” 

Baz growls at me. ”She loved me when I was _alive_ , not some fucking monster.” 

”You’re not.” My voice cracks. I don't know why I'm crying. 

”Crowley,” Baz’s laugh is hollow. ”You’re pathetic.” 

”You’re not a monster. You’re not a vampire. You're just Baz.” 

Baz shakes his head at me. ”Just go, Snow. This fire isn't meant for you.” 

I start to panic again. I'm not leaving him. I _can’t_ leave him. 

”I’m not leaving you!” I grab his wrists and pull him away from everything. To my relief, he doesn't try to fight it. I just want to get him away from it all. 

More fire shoots up around us. I know it's him. ”Baz!” 

”Simon, _please_ just _go_.” He's never called me Simon before. 

”No!” 

Baz struggles against me and tries to fight, but I know he's too drained to really do anything. ”I deserve this.” 

I grab Baz’s face and make him look at me. His eyes are so full of pain, sorrow, anguish, defeat. He doesn't deserve this. 

” _No one_ deserves this, Baz.” I know I'm pleading. I know I’m begging. I know I'm pathetic. But I'm not going anywhere. Ever. 

The fire is definitely around us now and Baz is still having a breakdown and I still feel like I’m about to go off. It’s all a giant fucking mess. 

And now I really want to kiss Baz. 

  
  


**BAZ**

I’ve always been slightly disgusted with myself, but tonight I can't bear it. I should've died along with my mother. Fiona and my father should've killed me when they discovered what I am. I shouldn't be this way. 

But of course, Snow has to come and follow me to commit some heroic bullshit. He won't leave me _alone_. 

I may have to spell him away (gently, though. I could never hurt him). I need to make sure he doesn't come back and do something to hurt himself. 

I also want to kiss him. Simon’s cradling my face and I’m too pathetic and weak to push him off of me. He's so close, I can see the tear marks down his face. He looks illuminated in the firelight. 

And Simon is so _alive_ in this moment. He’s everything I’m not. Simon Snow is loyal, brave, companionate, and honest. I’m someone who goes to a forest, sets it on fire, and drags him into it. 

I really want to kiss him, and for a moment I think _he’s_ going to kiss _me_. Like a final kiss farewell (I must be more delirious than I thought). 

He’s still staring at me, his blue eyes locked with my grey ones. His lips are hanging dangerously close to mine and now I really do think he's going to kiss me. 

”Simon-” 

And then he does. 

  
  


**SIMON**

I hate seeing Baz like this. I just want him to shut up and stop. I wish we were back at our room in Watford, before he disappeared, before the Visitings, before the bar. I wish I could teleport us so that we’re out of harm’s way. Where Baz is not in any pain, and I know exactly where he is. 

  
  


**BAZ**

I wonder if Simon can tell I've never been kissed before. I wonder if this is a good kiss. I wonder when he’ll remember I’m a boy and push away in disgust. 

In between my wondering, all I can think is, _Simon Snow_. 

  
  


**SIMON**

_I’m kissing a boy, I’m kissing_ Baz. 

It’s different than my kisses with Agatha, though I don’t think it’s fair to compare them. 

I think I should be questioning everything, or maybe freaking out. But right now I’m kissing Baz, and that's what I’m focusing on. 

  
  


**BAZ**

Are we going to die? Is the fire still around us? Is this the afterlife? 

Crowley, the afterlife is wonderful. 

  
  


**SIMON**

I never realized how much I wanted Baz underneath me until now. I know where he is, I can feel his heartbeat and I know he's alive. 

Baz is safe, right here in my arms. He’s an idiot if he thinks I’m ever letting him go. 

**Author's Note:**

> And done ! I know it kinda ends at a weird spot but I didn’t want to completely rewrite 61.


End file.
